Joie de Vivre

I knew I didn’t like roller coasters the moment the cars began their downward spiral. The speed took my breath away and for the next three minutes I lived in breathless terror. Life is like that. Every time something out of the ordinary happened, I dreaded it as soon as it began. I feared it.

I remember my first fight. I was in third grade. Having watched too many movies, I tried to defend the girl being picked on from the bully. For my valiant effort, I was accused of fighting and kept the fingernail trail of defeat from my forehead to my chin for two weeks. For years I lived in fear of the next fight, but it never happened. There were other things to fear.

My children, on the other hand, Fear Nothing, Fear Little, and Fearless to a fault, did not understand why I didn’t grab life by the horns and go with it. Grabbing the nubs was good enough for me. I think I would have liked to grab for the gusto, but I always held back.

My Aunt Vickie called it timid. She insisted that I was like my mother, a fraidy cat. My mother’s sister took joie de vivre to a whole new level and according to those who witnessed her life, lived it to the fullest. In truth, she, too, held back. After all, she was a woman, born in the 19th century. Being less than five feet tall and petite, she got her jollies by instigating trouble, then disappearing into a crowd or hiding behind her 6’2” husband.

There are many who exist in fear of living, of moving forward, of increasing the dimensions of their life. Many others are exhilarated by just the thought of danger and can hardly wait to put themselves into its path.

When I finally learned that I am the most important person in my life, I learned to delight in living my life, enjoying every aspect of my being. You might not see it, but my soul sings with every action I take. Joie de vivre.